I’m tired of men. No, I’m tired of straight men. I feel like I’ve dated all types of guys & it always ends the same: “I can’t be mad because it already happened, but I don’t want to go through this again & I’m done with men.” My annoyance with guys has reached an all-time high & seriously starting to question my future with men. I wanted the big, protective husband & to raise a few (very small amount. More than likely just one) children with him, so I let what I want be known in the beginning. I’m not thinking about right now, I’m thinking about the big picture, my future. I’m looking for something long-term. Someone I can grow old with. Build with… & blah blah, movie type stuff. I’m honestly starting to think that I’m asking for too much. Guys like a challenge. They start off like “Hell yeah, I can do that.” And months (*coughs*weeks*coughs*) down the line, they start to change. This isn’t what they asked for. Things aren’t going the way they thought it would. They need time to think about things (but they don’t really think). They need space. OBVIOUSLY, everyone feels this way at times. But sometimes I just stop & think about it like, “what is wrong with me?" If things between me & a guy don’t just change, he decides that he doesn’t want to continue our relationship or he decides that he has to think things over with himself. And if it happened just once or twice, I’d be able to just get over it & move on. But this happens over & over & over. I’m at the point where I don’t want to experience another "over" & pretend like I even care about all this stuff anymore. I laugh when people tell me "There is someone out there for you." & I laugh even harder when it’s said to other people. I secretly want to tell them we’re those people you see eating at restaurants alone. We watch movies by ourselves. We take our friends over to our family’s house for the holidays. There is no one out there for us. who would I be to kill someone else’s dreams & make them bitter like me? I know people who have very successful careers & are living life, alone. I never wanted to be one of them, but I’m done trying to play God. If my guy is really out there, I’m 99.9% sure that I’ll miss out on him because I am so shut down. My goals no longer include another man (other than my few gay friends, my brother, and my father - although even their future with me is uncertain). I’ve even started to befriend more females & all my life that has been so difficult for me. Things are starting to change & I believe it’s because I’m getting older & I don’t have the time for these little boys anymore. Even if I did have time time, I probably wouldn’t bother.
I heard gay marriage is now legal in Florida.